


Found the place to rest my head

by thesesongsaretrue



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-06
Updated: 2012-07-06
Packaged: 2017-11-09 07:25:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesesongsaretrue/pseuds/thesesongsaretrue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How was Matt going to get through this? The reason he’d been worried about the kiss in the first place was that at this point he was positive that he couldn’t kiss Alex at all without ending up with his hands on her arse or under her shirt or at the absolute least ending up with an extremely embarrassing erection in the middle of the set. And now she was going to make him practice kissing her. In his trailer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Found the place to rest my head

**Author's Note:**

> Well here it is, my first mattex!  
> Imaginary bouquets go to Charina (areyoumarriedriver), Jenn (grumpyjenn) and Amie (Amie33) for beta-ing and encouragement. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Clearly this is unrelated to their actual lives, I'm just making stuff up for fun. 
> 
> Enjoy!  
> ~Bev

Alex Kingston was more than a bit jet-lagged when she showed up on set for the read-through of the second episode of Series 7 to feature River Song. Since it was summer, she’d thought she could bring Salome, but then her daughter’s best friend had begged Salome to go to some sort of girl scout sleep-away camp. Instead of bringing her daughter with her for the two weeks of work and two weeks of vacation Alex had planned,  she’d ended up staying home until the absolute last minute, helping a nervous-but-excited Salome pack all the essentials (and a few non-essentials, such as one teddy bear that Salome had firmly insisted she didn’t need, but that Alex knew she would be grateful to discover hiding in her bags when she arrived) she would need for her three weeks at camp. Florian was then going to pick her up and have her live with him for the fourth week, after which Alex would be back. All of this of course necessitated that she take the last possible flight out of LA to get to the Monday-morning readthrough. She’d “slept” on the plane, technically, if one could really call that sleeping, and headed straight for the meeting after she landed. Thank goodness the Doctor Who team had thought to check on her flight details and send along a cab to pick her up, because she wasn’t sure she would have had the presence of mind at the moment to do so herself. 

Once she arrived she attempted to sneak into the back of the room, clutching the script they’d mailed her two weeks ago and hiding the bags under her eyes behind sunglasses. At the front of the room Steven went through the revisions they would be using in today’s readthrough. Unfortunately her attempted sneaking was rendered rather moot by the cry of “Kingston!” shouted by the ever-gangly, often-cheerful Matt Smith who obviously wanted her to sit by him. As the whole room was now staring at her, she smiled, removed the sunglasses, and headed for the seat next to Matt, nodding to Steven and pausing to introduce herself to the new girl on her way by. Matt eagerly patted the seat of the chair next to him and she couldn’t help but laugh - the man was always slightly reminiscent of a puppy with a new toy whenever she came into town. It would have been a blatant lie for her to say that she didn’t enjoy it, and even look forward to it. They flirted almost as relentlessly as their characters, and Alex always felt so alive around him - it was a real ego-boost to be able to play that game with someone as young as Matt. 

At the moment, his eagerness wasn’t helping her exhaustion however, and she sighed audibly as she sank into her seat, dropping her bag next to her and putting her head in her hands for a second.  He nudged her, and she opened her eyes to glare at him through the fingers of her right hand and a puff of curls. Instead of puppy dog excitement, she was met with the eyes of a man who’d done enough jet-setting of his own to know what jet-lag looked and felt like, now that he’d had a chance to see her up close. He slid his coffee toward her arms and she grabbed it without hesitation. Then he gestured for her script, and she handed it over to him. She mouthed, “Thank you,” before sinking back into the chair with the coffee, and he smiled, opening to the page they were currently adjusting and taking notes on her script as well as his own. Alex proceeded to sip at the hot coffee, feeling almost alive by the time they started the readthrough properly. Matt handed her script back to her without comment and they both settled into their roles, flying through the readthrough and earning many laughs and occasional applause as River and the Doctor. He ad-libbed a few lines about her hair and she threw in a quip about removing his bow tie with her teeth. 

As they reached the end of the script they came to their kissing scene, and as they finished the lines leading up to it, Alex looked over at Matt, planning to wink or at the very least make a kissy face in jest. She found him frowning down at his script, eyes glued to the line “they kiss.” She looked back at her own script and re-read the line as well, trying to come up with something that could be bothering Matt. He usually spent the week of a kissing shoot making references to the kiss as often as possible and really building it up like some sort of reward for both of them. She had text messages from him saved on her phone from the Wedding of River Song shoot with goofy things like “T-minus 10h to snogging!” And it had seemed like they’d both had a wonderful time shooting that scene. She even recalled their mutual quips about kissing all night being immortalized on that Confidential show. She smiled to herself as she remembered the warmth of his arms around her and the brilliance of his smile as they’d pulled away from each other. She almost laughed at herself - all well and good to enjoy a stage kiss, Alex, but let’s not get out of hand. 

The script ended with the kiss, and after a brief round of applause for the cast, everyone began to file out. The actors had the rest of the day to rehearse any scenes they wanted to while the crew finished setting up, and then shooting began tomorrow. Alex stopped for a brief chat with Steven (he wouldn’t be around for much of the actual shooting, so questions were best addressed now), but couldn’t help glancing over at Matt several times, who still looked unusually nervous. She caught him glancing over at her before scratching his head anxiously and attempting to sneak out of the room. Conveniently someone else wanted Steven’s attention at that moment, so Alex excused herself and went after Matt. She was beginning to think he might be uncomfortable kissing her for some reason, and although that would of course hurt her feelings, she understood. Any number of things could have come up between the last time they had shared a kiss as River and the Doctor and now - perhaps he was even embarrassed by his earlier behavior, or wish he hadn’t responded the way he had on Confidential. She enjoyed their flirting immensely, but the age gap was never too far from her mind, in fact it was part of the reason she enjoyed toying with him so much, so perhaps it weighed heavily on his. They were friends, and she wanted him to be comfortable on set, even if that meant sticking to innuendo and flirting and taking out the kiss. She was an adult actress, and this was her job - worse things had happened to her on a set than having a kiss written out of the script, and worse things had happened in her life than learning that her friend wasn’t terribly comfortable snogging her against the TARDIS console as the script demanded. Much worse. Her lips twisted into a world-weary smile as she sighed.  She caught up to him as he rounded the corner towards his trailer and grabbed his sleeve, making him turn around. She could see him trading out his worry for a smile, but it would take more than that to fool a fellow actor. Hopefully she’d be able to put him at ease so they could get back to their usually friendly repartee. 

“Hey Matt, listen, thanks for the coffee. I would definitely not have made it otherwise. If you’d like another I can grab you one now that we’re free,” she offered sincerely, hoping to get him to loosen up a bit over coffee or tea and even forgoing any joking so as not to scare him off.  

“Nah, Alex,” he shook his head, “It’s no problem, you just looked a bit jet-lagged and I thought it might help. I’m just headed back to my trailer though, have some things to go over for the shoot, so I’ll just be off then. See you tomorrow.” He finished talking and, extricating his sleeve from her grasp, starting walking again. 

She jogged a few steps to catch up to his long legs and he stopped, turning around to face her. They were now right at the edge of his trailer, and Alex crossed her arms and leaned her back against the side of it, raising an eyebrow at him. “Nice try, honey, but you’re not getting away that easily.” He started to stammer out some sort of excuse, but she continued over him, “Look Matt, I can tell something was bothering you about the kiss during the readthrough. Frankly, I’m looking forward to napping in my trailer and it’s unclear how long I’ll be able to stay awake before that, so let’s just get this cleared up straight away. We’re two professional adults, and I happily consider you to be a friend.” She paused, thinking of the best way to phrase the next comment, and saw that, although he still looked highly uncomfortable, he was nodding at the mention of them being friends. “So listen, if you’d rather not do the kiss, I understand. I know we flirt, but it’s no secret to anyone that I’m a few years your senior. I’m not sure if that’s what’s bothering you, but whatever it is, really, we can take it out, it’s fine. I’d rather you were straight with me though, because even this tired I can tell that you’re not okay with it, darling.” 

_Shit_ , thought Matt.  _Shit, oh shit_ . This was going terribly. What was he going to say? He would definitely have to lie, but he needed to do it fast because she was so, so ridiculously wrong about why he was upset by the kiss. 

“No, Alex. No. I...” She was looking at him intently now, head cocked to the side, curls pressed against his trailer, her usual smirk replaced by the sort of look he was sure she used on Salome when she wasn’t cooperating. He took a deep breath and tried to come up with a plausible lie. “I’m just really worried about what the kiss should be like.” Alright, he could go with that.  _Elaborate, Matt, elaborate, c’mon_. “The other kisses were very situationally clear -  The Doctor’s first kiss, River saving the Doctor - hell I was basically  dead for that one, so you really had to figure it out anyway - their first kiss as husband and wife, in front of her parents - but this one...I just don’t know. They just kiss. Alone. In the TARDIS. And then it fades to the credits. Well, everyone knows what that means, Alex, and I’m just not sure how to play it.” She was nodding now, and even if he’d made himself look like a bit of a lame actor, at least he’d gotten out of this. 

Alex was frankly relieved to hear that he was worried about the specifics of the kiss rather than trying to avoid having to share another screen kiss with her. She would have taken it, and she wouldn’t have held that against him, but it would have taken much of the fun out of their flirting to know that nothing at all could ever even possibly happen. The point of course had never been that it was  going to happen, but the possibility and the taboo of it is what made it so much fun.

“Listen then Matt, I know we’ve always just gone straight into the shoots of these things, but seeing as it’s bothering you so much, why don’t we try rehearsing it?” she offered, hoping that he would feel better about it if they figured it out together in advance. As she said it, she stood up and closed the gap between them, placing her hand on his chest. 

“What, here?!” He squeaked, and she laughed gently. He was  really nervous, poor guy. 

“No, I don’t  think so, don’t want to give passerbys the wrong impression now, love.” She could flirt a little, but she still didn’t want to push him too far - poor kid was so jumpy - so she turned serious again and pointed at his trailer door. “How about inside? That should be private enough, and we can figure it out so you’re not so uncertain about it. Shouldn’t take long.”

He nodded, but as they walked towards the door his mind kicked into outright panic. This was much, much worse. How was he going to get through this? The reason he’d been worried about the kiss in the first place was that at this point he was positive that he couldn’t kiss Alex at all without ending up with his hands on her arse or under her shirt or at the absolute least ending up with an extremely embarrassing erection in the middle of the set. And now she was going to make him practice kissing her. In his trailer. His very private, very  _his_ trailer, where he’d spent the past few weeks regularly wanking to thoughts of her. This was enormously worse. He ran a hand through his hair. How had he gotten into this ridiculous situation, anyway? He had enjoyed their flirting from the beginning, and she had been so wonderful to him when he’d started filming his first episodes as the Doctor, but through the end of filming Series 6 it had been just that - flirting and friendship, and even some advising, he really valued her life experience as an actor and a person. Then he hadn’t seen her for months, and though they’d texted back and forth quite frequently, he’d definitely missed her curls and her smile and the sound of her voice. When he’d finally seen her again on set for the previous Series 7 episode, he’d found that he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It had suddenly dawned on him when he saw her after that long absence that she was incredibly attractive, and sexy as hell. On top of that he’d been really worked up about what the set dynamic would be like without Kaz and Arthur, and she’d not only noticed, but had taken him out to lunch on her last day in town to talk to him and make sure he was feeling okay about it. Bloody nicest, loveliest, most caring, interesting, beautiful woman he’d ever met. Incredible Alex Kingston. He had fallen for her, no question. And then she’d left. 

He’d spent the first week arguing with himself over it - she was nineteen years older than him, how could he be in love with her? But that argument hadn’t gotten him anywhere. Frankly, he obviously didn’t give a damn how old she was, she was exactly what he’d always wanted in a woman. And not just to sleep with, which is what had terrified him for the second week. He wanted to date her, to play with her daughter, to hang out with her on a Friday night instead of going out. To hang out with her every night. But of course she wouldn’t have him, the idea was ridiculous. He was gangly, awkward Matt Smith. She was always helping him, she probably thought of him as so childish, and she was just so, so far out of his league. He’d tried to distract himself. He had looked up media coverage of celebrity couples with significant age gaps, reading only the most scathing articles. He still hadn’t cared. He’d tried to forget about her, picking up a string of girls at bars and taking them home. After the third one he’d called Alex in bed, he’d given up on that as well. Finally he’d decided that even though he obviously couldn’t have her in real life, he wasn’t going to keep himself from fantasizing about it. He figured he could handle being just friends, that would be better than scaring her off entirely, but in his own home, in his own trailer, he could think about her however he wanted. And think about her he had.  Moll Flanders  had proven invaluable in that regard. He’d hoped that giving in to his fantasies would let him get her out of his system, but instead all that fantasizing had just made it worse, and when he got the script for this episode, he’d just about died. Kiss her? Good lord, kissing her and doing quite a bit more than that was all he had thought about in bed for a month, even when he’d literally been with other women. As soon as he had read the script he had been terrified of giving himself away, of ruining their friendship, and now he was following her into his trailer, trying desperately not to watch her arse in those jeans as she climbed the stairs in front of him, headed for a private rehearsal of their kiss. If for one hour of his life he could have full mental control over his penis, he would choose right now. She was looking around his trailer and saying something. How was he going to do this?

“I see you haven’t changed much since I was here last,” she joked, then added as she pointed to a large picture of Karen, Arthur, Matt, and herself, “though this is a nice addition.” She walked into the middle of the trailer and turned around to face him. 

“Alright Matt, let’s get to it then,” she said brightly. “Here’s the scenario. We’re on the TARDIS, you’re the Doctor and I’m River Song, we’ve just had another hair-raising escape, and we both know that we’re going to have incredible sex as soon as the credits roll. How do we kiss?”

He was just staring at her. He should say something, but oh  God what could he even say? 

“Matt darling, I’m looking for suggestions, not an impression of a fish.” He laughed weakly and closed his mouth before clearing his throat. 

“Um, I guess I’m just not sure.” He was fidgeting, and Alex could tell he was still hung up on something, but sometimes with these kind of situations in acting the best thing was to just get into character and go for it - see what happened instead of thinking about it. 

“Fine, let’s just do it then.” She took a step towards him, put a hand on his neck, and pulled him down for a kiss. He looked so panicked as she did it that she nearly stopped, it seemed impossible that he really wanted to do this, but by the time she noticed it was too late. Her lips touched his and she was shocked by how immediately he relaxed.

Matt was so panic-stricken that he couldn’t even think as Alex stepped towards him and brought his head down to meet hers, but as soon as their lips touched it was too much for him to resist - a tiny part of all of his fantasies was coming true, and he didn’t care if she thought they were the Doctor and River right now, the only thing his whole body and mind was aware of right in that instant was that he was kissing Alex Kingston. No - even better, Alex Kingston was kissing him. And oh  God it was so much better than when he imagined it. He gave into his desires and closed the distance between them, lightly pressing their bodies together. He felt the heat of her all along him, the press of her chest into his, saw the way her cheeks were flushing. He slid his right arm down to wrap around her waist and buried his left hand in the volume of her curls, cradling her head and treasuring the way the curls felt between his fingers. Alex hummed in pleasure, and before Matt’s worries could do anything to stop him, Matt’s right hand travelled down to her arse, which he squeezed as he pushed her hips into his, and he bit at her lower lip at the same time, demanding access to her mouth. Alex let out a gasp and he pushed his tongue into her mouth, sweeping it along her teeth before tangling it with her own as he turned them and pushed her against the closed door. 

Alex couldn’t help but give into how wonderful his hands felt against her, and though as far as she knew this was Matt as the Doctor not as Matt, she loved how far he was willing to go with her. If this was how the Doctor kissed River, then she was definitely sure that the Doctor and River were indeed headed for some seriously fantastic sex when the credits rolled. Oh, she was enjoying this. She moaned softly and ground her hips against him as her back hit the door, smiling against his mouth as she concluded victoriously that he definitely wasn’t bothered by the idea of kissing her. Invigorated by this thought, she wondered how far he would be willing to go as she nibbled playfully at his lip before pushing their tongues together again. They had already passed what they would be allowed to do onscreen, but she didn’t want to stop him since he’d been so nervous about trying this in the first place. Whatever had been bothering him seemed to have vanished, and if this was what it took to chase it away, far be it from her to interfere.

Everything in Matt’s world at that moment was Alex. His want for her completely consumed his senses and as he heard her moan against him he gave up any remaining semblance of control, thrusting his hips roughly into hers and letting his lips wander from her mouth down the side of her neck. She met his thrust with her own and the brief moment of friction was glorious. Her head fell back against the door and she sighed in pleasure as he pressed kisses all along her neck.  Yes, Alex, oh Alex, so beautiful , he thought as all pretense of River and the Doctor was forgotten. He was kissing her clavicle now, and his hands moved from where they had been pressed against her back to slide up under her shirt. His swept his thumbs outward along her ribs and she leaned down to rest her lips against the top of his head as he continued to caress her collarbone with his lips.  Yes, Alex , he thought again as he moved his right hand up, slipping it inside the cup of her bra to squeeze her breast. She stiffened suddenly and her head snapped up from where it had been resting against his own. Realizing what he’d just done, Matt jumped back immediately as he felt himself blushing harder than he knew he could blush. For a moment Alex’s eyes were clouded and troubled as she looked at him, and he hadn’t the slightest idea what she was thinking. God he probably positively  disgusted  her. Perverted young idiot taking advantage of his colleague. He started to stammer out what he hoped sounded more like an apology and less like pathetic begging for forgiveness, but suddenly her eyes cleared and she looked directly at him, waving a hand at him as though to dismiss it as she used her other arm to smooth her blouse and calm her hair a little. 

“Alex I’m so sorry it’s just - ” he faltered, he just couldn’t  tell her. That couldn’t possibly make anything better.  Sorry I just molested you in my trailer, it’s just I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for weeks . Right Matt, just bloody perfect.

She waved it away again and patted his hand where it was nervously drumming on the countertop but he jerked it away and ran it through his hair instead, horrified by what he’d let it do. 

“Matt,” he looked up from the floor to meet her eyes and saw that they were just as warm and caring as always. He exhaled. She went to pat his hand again and this time he didn’t pull it away. “I’ve done far more than that onscreen before you know,” she continued, and he tried not to nod suspiciously fast as he thought of Moll Flanders . “You’re not under arrest, dear, but I didn’t think there was much point continuing when we were already well past what the network would allow us.”

Right, River and the Doctor, she still thought this was about River and the Doctor. Though still embarrassed he was incredibly thankful for the cover. He laughed nervously before replying, “Guess I really just got into it as the Doctor, you know, over a thousand years experience and what-not - has to make you bold at some point, and with a girl like River how could he help himself?” He missed Alex’s squint of suspicion as he assigned his actions to the Doctor’s boldness. “Listen though Alex,” he said, turning his hand over on the counter to hold hers, “I really am sorry about that.” He swallowed and looked back into her eyes, completely serious “I hope it won’t affect our friendship in any way, yeah?” She shook her head and he nodded, ashamed but thoroughly relieved.

As it turned out, Alex was a much better actor than Matt, or at the very least he was too caught up in his own worries to pay enough attention to see through her act. She was deeply troubled by what had just transpired, and not because that would have been too far to go as River and the Doctor. That she could have understood. But no, although Matt hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud, she’d heard him whisper “Yes, Alex,” into her collarbone. Alex. Not River, Alex. 

Alex faked a yawn and Matt went for it, quickly asking her if she wanted to head back to her trailer to take that nap she’d mentioned earlier. She nodded and let him lead her out, continuing to act as though nothing had happened. She needed time to figure this out a bit before she broached the subject with him. But she knew it would bother her if they didn’t clear it up, so she turned around halfway down his steps and looked back up at him where he stood in the doorway.

“Listen Matt, I’m sure I’ll feel much less tired after I sleep for just a bit, and we haven’t had a chance to catch up, can I meet your for dinner later? Same place we went for lunch before I left?”

“Alex you know I’d love that but if you’re so tired I really don’t see the rush - you’ll be around for a bit this time, right?” He was so looking forward to getting to see more of her and he thought she’d said in her last text that she would be in town for something like a month. 

Alex let her true concern show through slightly as she shook her head and answered seriously, “No Matt, I think we should talk sooner rather than later.” 

His stomach dropped and he had to force himself to nod nonchalantly. Satisfied, she nodded back and turned to finish descending the steps. Looking at the back of her head as she walked away, he managed to get out, “Right then, I’ll stop by your trailer at 7,” sounding thoroughly glum before he retreated into his trailer, shutting the door quickly behind him. 

Alex sighed as she heard the tone of his voice but didn’t turn back - there was nothing to be done for it at this point. She continued on her way back to her trailer, rubbing her temples as she went. Well, this complicated things. Once she got back to her trailer, she gave up thinking about it for the moment, it was only giving her a headache and a sinking feeling right below her ribs. Instead, she toed off her shoes and stretched out on the couch, falling almost instantly to sleep thanks to the ability of sheer physical exhaustion to out-compete her worries. 

Matt didn’t have much time to fret about it either, since he’d barely closed the door to the trailer before Jenna knocked and asked him if he’d like to go over their scenes before tomorrow’s shoot. Glad of the distraction, he snatched his script of the counter and headed out with her, trying hard to keep his thoughts away from Alex until their dinner. He’d already made his mistake, and moping about it, though incredibly tempting, wasn’t going to help. Still, he moped just slightly (didn’t seem as it could  _hurt_ , either).  

Alex slept for several hours, and woke up at around 6 feeling much more awake than she had since she boarded the plane from LA. Checking the time, she saw that she had only an hour before Matt arrived at her doorstep. Just enough time to think through what she was going to say. She hopped into the tiny trailer shower to wash up, thinking hard as she ran shampoo through her mass of hair. 

She of course didn’t mind him touching her in that way - you’d have to be bloody insane to mind that, and though she’d kissed more than a few men at parties since splitting with Florian she hadn’t found anyone she wanted to go farther than that with since her ex. Her body’s response was unequivocal, she would have gone  much farther with Matt. But that was when she’d thought they were acting as the Doctor and River. As Matt and Alex things were very very different. She couldn’t take advantage of Matt that way. Sweet, young Matt. Sure, she’d called him naughty on more than a few occasions and playfully slapped his hands away more than once, but she couldn’t see actually sleeping with him, no matter what sort of ridiculous school-boy crush he’d somehow managed to acquire. He was so young yet, and so damn  hopeful about everything. Alex loved life, she had her work and her daughter, but romantically she’d been through enough to have just given up. Sex she could do, she could always find room for a good unemotional shag. Preferably drunk. Not drunk enough to forget it, but drunk enough not to consider what was missing between a shag and making love. But she couldn’t just  shag Matt, drunk or otherwise. He always seemed to look up to her so much, and she couldn’t stand to think of how she’d feel if she took advantage of his feelings to get him into bed. Frankly she was sure the sex would be amazing, but the guilt would ruin it. Obviously he wanted her, which just made it worse. She didn’t have anything to offer him, nearly twenty years older than him as she was, with two ex-husbands and an eleven-year-old, not to mention that she lived in LA. 

She was going to have to let him down. She hoped he would just listen to her and not push, because she didn’t want to say anything she’d regret. She was sure he’d have enough regrets to go around after tonight, and she’d hate to have to ruin their friendship just to convince him that he didn’t want her. Poor Matt, she thought, this was not going to be a fun dinner for him. There was a tiny part of her brain that whispered “poor Alex” as well at the opportunity she was making herself give up, but she clamped down on that feeling as soon as possible. She was going to have to be the responsible one here, much as she hated the idea, and that was that. 

Climbing out of the shower, she dried off and put the same jeans and blouse back on, abandoning her hair to dry on its own and only bothering with minimal makeup. At ten to seven there was a knock at the door and she stood up, straightened her blouse and fixing a smile on her face before opening the door. 

Matt had finished running scenes with Jenna only half an hour before he was supposed to meet up with Alex. As he parted ways with Jenna and checked the clock his mind rushed inexorably back to thoughts of Alex. He decided he had better just confess his feelings,  apologize, and promise not to do anything like that ever again. It was obvious that he’d worried her, in addition to possibly offending her, and although he absolutely wanted to confess his feelings and have her respond in kind, the truth was that at this point he just cared for her so desperately all he wanted was to make her happy again and erase the concern from her features. He wanted the real, winning, carefree Alex smile back again, and to see the way she crinkled her nose when something made her especially happy. So he’d spent a few minutes running to a flower shop and buying a small bouquet with a card attached saying simply “I’m sorry,” which seemed ridiculously inadequate when what you were apologizing for was forcing yourself on your close friend and co-star, but it was the best he could do on short notice. He ran back onto the lot and straight to Alex’s trailer from the shop. Now that he’d come to a decision about what to do and worked up the courage to do it, he didn’t want to waste any time before he relieved Alex’s fears. 

When she opened the door, he saw her plastered-on smile falter as she spotted the flowers in his hand and the look of dismay that appeared on her face for an instant before she erased it again was too much. He suddenly realized what it must look like for him to show up with flowers to take her out to dinner and he concluded that he just couldn’t wait to get her all the way to the restaurant before he fixed this. 

Alex was surprised to see Matt holding flowers when she opened the door, and her heart sank even further at the sight. Dear God he was probably going to try to woo her. What an absolute mess, she was going to have to break his heart. She frowned before rearranging her features quickly into a smile and began to thank him for the flowers, but he held up a hand to stop her.

“Alex, right I know I look daft with these flowers but I promise it’s not what you think.”

She dropped the facade and sighed heavily, raising an eyebrow as though to say, “I doubt it.” 

“Just let me come in? We both know this can’t wait until dinner.”

“Yeah alright, guess we’d best get it over with,” she replied honestly, taking the flowers and stepping out of the doorway to let him in. 

He crossed in front of her and stood awkwardly next to the sofa, flipping his hair a few times and fiddling with the card from the flowers which had come off in his hands. Alex put the flowers down on the counter and joined him by the sofa, gesturing for him to sit, but intentionally putting space between them. He noticed this and slid back even further towards his end, trying to give her as much space as she needed. At this, she raised an eyebrow and stuck out her hand for the card. She read the short message quickly and looked up at him, surprised. Not the cloying “I love you” she’d expected, but instead a simple “I’m sorry.” 

Seeing the surprise on her face, Matt jumped in before he missed his narrow window of opportunity. “I really am sorry, Alex, and I hope you won’t mind just listening to me for a second, or well, probably a bit more than a second, but I’d rather you hear me out before you say whatever you need to say. Is that alright?”

“Yes,” she replied, but he could hear the hesitancy in her voice. Alex didn’t want to lose her nerve either, but he just looked so  earnest . 

“I’m so incredibly sorry for what I did earlier. From the fact that you wanted to talk I think it’s safe to assume that you realized I wasn’t thinking of us as the Doctor and River.” He paused, and she nodded once, so he continued. “Right, so the truth is, and please appreciate that I’m not trying to be rude here, just direct, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for months.” Alex grimaced openly and shook her head - this was exactly what she’d been afraid of, despite his apologies. Ignoring her frown, he continued the speech he’d rehearsed in his head on the way over, trying not to chicken out, “I mean I’ve...well I’ve” he scratched at his head and glanced to the side as he said the next bit, “I’ve fantasized about you just like that, pressed against the wall of my trailer so many times that I couldn’t stop myself today. God Alex though please, you have to believe that I regret it.” He looked back at her. “I’m crazy about you Alex, I am, but it’s not lust or some stupid crush. I love you Alex. There, I’ve said it.” More to himself than to Alex he added, “This is definitely not how I said it in those fantasies,” before continuing properly. “I love you Alex and it’s making it hell for me to see you so upset over what I did.”

Alex’s face hadn’t particularly changed for the past several seconds, but she was staring at him intently so he went on hastily. “Just the fact that it bothers you is enough to make it clear to me that it can’t happen again. I’ll do whatever you need Alex. I absolutely promise never to make a move like that on you again. I’ll even get Steven to take out the kiss for you if that will help. I’ll work harder to move on, I’ll make myself stop thinking of you that way. God Alex,” he had to close his eyes to get the next bit out, but it needed to be said, she needed to know how serious he was, “I won’t even fantasize about you ever again if that’s what it takes for me to get over you, I just don’t want to ever have to see you uncomfortable around me.” Finally really breathing again now that he’d said his piece, he opened his eyes to find tears trailing down Alex’s cheeks. He was decidedly confused. When she saw him looking at her, she turned away from him and covered her eyes with one hand, waving him off with the other.

Alex literally could not believe what she was hearing Matt say. She had prepared herself to be the responsible one, to have to let him down, and here he was letting  himself down, all because he was worried about her. As he spoke the horrifying thought hit her that she actually could believe he loved her based on what he was willing to do just to make her feel better. To make  _her_ feel better. Her brain was having a hard time processing it. She made Salome feel better, made Matt feel better, made her friends feel better. Bloody hell, she still made Florian feel better sometimes when he worried about Salome. It had been far too long since someone had tried to make  her feel better, and good Lord but Matt was trying. The worst part was that she kept having to resist the ridiculous impulse to interrupt him and try to take care of him. The tears began to fall as it hit her just how out of practice she was at being cared for. He finally looked up again and she had to turn away, she was always open with her emotions and wasn’t afraid to admit that she cried easily, but this feeling was coming as a serious surprise to her at the moment and she needed a minute. As the tears began to fall harder instead of letting up, she amended that thought to allow that she might need a bit more than a minute. She’d been going so hard, doing everything and being everywhere recently that she’d not even realized she felt this way, and suddenly it was crashing over her in waves and she simply couldn’t stop herself from sobbing a bit into her hands as she tried to get herself under control enough to reply to poor Matt, who was undoubtedly totally shocked as to why she was crying. She managed to get out something like “I‘m sorry,” and then realized that she was yet again trying to take care of him, and another wave of sadness hit her. 

Matt was staring at Alex, who now had both hands covering her face and had advanced to the point where she was sobbing into them, her shoulders shaking slightly. The only slight comfort to him was that she looked about as surprised as he was to find herself crying. As she squeaked out “sorry,” he decided he’d had enough. He scooted over towards her on the couch but stilled before touching her.  Shit , he’d promised not to touch her and this really didn’t seem like the time to go back on that promise. “Alex,” he said as softly as possible, not wanting to disturb her since obviously whatever was going on was incredibly cathartic, “would it be alright if I hugged you?” It was at first hard to distinguish the nod from the slight shaking of her body, but as soon as it was clear to him he reached his long arms around her, tightening his left around her shoulders as his right stretched across her forearms where they were still firmly lodged in front of her. At first Alex didn’t turn into him at all, still trying to come to terms on her own with whatever this feeling was and hoping to get it to go away sooner rather than later. She didn’t have time for this right now, in the middle of this conversation with Matt, and she tried to force herself to stop, resulting in a series of slight jerking motions.

“No Alex, don’t stop on my account. Shhh Alex, Alex let it out....I’m here if you want me,” she heard Matt offer nervously into the space next to her head, and she couldn’t resist anymore, the need to be really properly held was just too strong. Still surprised by all of this, she finally gave into her feelings completely and turned her upper body in Matt’s arms, leaning into his chest and only crying harder at the beautiful relief of feeling his arms close even tighter around her. Once she gave in to being properly cared for it only took half a minute more of crying before the tears slowed. As she began to take proper breaths again, Matt rubbed her back gently and they pulled apart a bit, though his arms stayed around her. Then she sniffled and he jumped up to get a tissue off the counter, tripping slightly in his haste. Alex’s watery laugh was music to his ears and he pulled a face at her as he returned with the tissue. She blew her nose in it and he sat back down next to her, putting a companionable hand on her back again as she turned to face forward. Alex sighed and shook her head. Well, this had been unexpected.

“It’s alright if you don’t, Alex, but do you want to talk about it?” he asked, in which “it” was clearly whatever she had just been crying about. 

She laughed weakly before starting to answer, though she was staring out into the room rather than looking at him, and it sounded almost like she was talking to herself. “You know it’s so funny, I guess I’d just forgotten what it feels like to have someone want to take care of me. I’d planned to be the one to shut this down,” now she gestured at her side between the two of them, “but then you were so adult about it and so, oh God so  _caring_ ,” she laughed again at herself, “and I just lost it. Well, that bit’s obvious I suppose,” she finished as she wiped at her eyes again. Turning back to look at him she saw the concerned crease in his brow and patted his knee. “Sorry love, look at me burdening you with my baggage already. Bet that wasn’t in those fantasies, though I’d think most of my clothes weren’t either.” He coughed and blushed and she felt herself flushing as her imagination filled in some blanks. A quick shake of her head cleared it of  those thoughts, and she looked seriously at Matt and inhaled. She couldn’t believe what she was about to say, but her mind kept flashing through him giving her coffee and annotating her script, then his willingness to give her up for her sake, and finally his arms snug and totally undemanding around her as she’d cried, and her misgivings were powerless against the surging feeling of want that was making her chest tighten.

She wanted to be taken care of again. In fact, from her recent spontaneous flood of tears, she apparently needed it desperately, and here he was offering it on a silver platter without even expecting anything from her except that she be happy again. Now that she’d remembered what it felt like, the trouble was she wasn’t sure she could be really happy again without it. She tried to speak, but faltered, and his hand found hers, his thumb running over the back of it in encouragement as he waited patiently for whatever she needed to say.

“Listen Matt, the truth is I have very little to offer you, but I’d rather you didn’t give up on me quite yet.” His face lit up immediately and she couldn’t help but smile at the reemergence of her puppy-dog Matt.  Hers?  When had that happened - goodness Alex, he hasn’t even agreed yet!

“Whatever this is or isn’t though, we need to be realistic. I’m here for a month, I have a house and a daughter back in LA. I’m Salome’s mother before anything else. I’m silly, I still love a good party, and I tend to say things I shouldn’t. I’m tired of the press and of failed marriages, and I’m romantically worn out enough that I apparently turn into a fountain at the idea of being cared for. Those are the facts.” His eyes had grown serious again and she paused, afraid that maybe he wouldn’t go for it, but better to have been completely honest. “But if you can take that Matt, all of that, then you can have me. Whatever that means, and I’m afraid it may not be much.”

Serious eyes met hers, but he didn’t speak, instead he took her hand where he’d been holding it and intertwined their fingers, and then he leaned in and kissed her. It was nothing like the rough, passionate kiss they’d shared earlier, instead it was slow and gentle, and she could almost sense how he felt about her in the soft press of his lips against hers. He pulled away and she smiled, shaking her head in wonder at what could possibly have made him fall for her this way. Seeing her smile, he beamed back at her and they laughed together suddenly, both of them happier than they’d thought possible. 

Matt jumped up off the sofa and grabbed the flowers off the counter, snatching the card from where Alex had left it next to her legs and pulling a pen from his pocket as she looked on at him in amused confusion. Seeing that she was watching him, he turned away as he scribbled on the card and reattached it to the bouquet. Satisfied, he turned around and smiled deviously. Alex raised an eyebrow and tried to look serious, but she couldn’t quite suppress her own smile. Ridiculous man. 

“Alex,” he said, offering her his hand and continuing as she took it and rose from the couch. “I do believe this makes you my date to dinner tonight.” Her smile broadened, and he whipped the flowers out from behind his back, nearly hitting her in the face and wincing slightly as she jumped back. “Here you are then. Do read the card.”

Squinting at him playfully, Alex once again took the card out of its envelope, laughing aloud as she saw that Matt had hastily crossed out “I’m Sorry” and had scrawled “I Love You!” across the bottom, complete with poorly drawn heart. She put the flowers back on the counter once again and headed for the door, but Matt jumped in front of her to open it. 

“Whoa, remember I’m taking care of you now Kingston, can’t have you opening all the doors in this relationship.” He bopped her on the nose playfully as she rolled her eyes at him, but they both frowned as they looked out to find that it had grown dark and started to rain while they were talking.

“You wouldn’t happen to have an umbrella hidden in those curls somewhere, would you?” Matt asked, peering down at her head as though looking for something. 

She swatted his arm, “No, you mean you don’t have one? I thought it came standard with all Prince Charmings.” 

“Unfair, Kingston!” he objected, but they were both grinning. 

“Make a dash and hope to get a cab, then?” she asked, squinting out at the lot as the rain began to get heavier. 

“Guess so,” he answered, and they began to run down the steps, but as they reached the bottom Matt spotted a large puddle that had formed where the stairs ended. He spun around and grabbed Alex by the waist as she squealed in surprise. Lifting her up over the puddle, he put her down on the other side before hopping over himself. She was staring up at him again and the look of disbelief on her face made him feel ridiculously pleased with himself. The rain was pouring down now, and as they stared at each other it soaked into their hair, deflating her curls and causing his floppy brown locks to stick to his forehead. 

Alex felt like such a silly teenager, but as he had lifted her over the water her heart had nearly exploded with happiness - he hadn’t been kidding about taking care of her, and it was ridiculous and over the top and the best thing to happen to her in years. Looking up at him and his self-satisfied grin as the rain turned him into not just a puppy but a wet puppy, Alex decided dinner could wait. 

As Alex’s clothes began to soak through, she stepped towards Matt, and it was his turn to raise an eyebrow at the gleam in her eyes. Just like earlier in his trailer, she grabbed his neck to pull him down for a kiss, but this time he didn’t need any encouragement. Their lips met and he pulled her into him as she sighed happily into his mouth. The rain rolled down their faces as they kissed hungrily, intertwining their tongues and pushing their mouths as closely together as they could possibly manage. Alex shivered and Matt pulled away, looking at her through rain-soaked lashes.

“Me, or the rain?” he asked, inquiring after the origin of her shiver.

“Rain,” she said breathlessly, and he pouted before making her squeal again as he picked her up fully this time, an arm around her back and one under her legs, and carried her quickly back up the stairs to the trailer. He cursed loudly as he fumbled with the catch on her door, unable to manage it while keeping a hold on her now that the rain had made their clothes slippery. Underneath her rain-soaked skin Alex’s nerves were already tingling from their kiss and as Matt let her go on the landing she made short work of the latch. In turn, Matt demonstrated his own eagerness as well as an unusual amount of coordination, shouldering the door open, pushing her through it, and closing it with his foot. With that minor obstacle out of the way their lips closed over each other again, though the kiss was messier this time as they stumbled backwards towards the couch. Their hands were involved now too, Matt was stroking his hands restlessly up and down her arms and all over her back, sliding along the slick fabric of her blouse now clinging to her skin. Alex was just getting her hands under the back of his shirt as her knees hit the edge of the couch and they fell onto it together.

All possible concern for not getting the couch wet with their soaking clothes was utterly abandoned as the fall brought Matt’s hips down to Alex’s and they ground against each other, both moaning loudly at the surprising contact. She thrust her hips up against his again, gasping as he released her mouth. He was already so hard in his jeans that Alex’s grinding into him was making the blood in his head pound and he wanted to be able to live up to what she’d said earlier - if she needed to be taken care of he was damn well going to take care of her, and he couldn’t do that if she kept pushing up against him because he was already seeing stars. At this rate he was going to come undone before he even got her undressed. He sat up and shifted, pushing his knee between her legs to replace his hips, his head clearing a bit once the friction against his erection let up. He took a moment to look at Alex properly and his breath absolutely caught in his throat as he saw her shirt clinging to her skin revealing the curves of her bra and the way her waist was soft but narrow above her jeans. Her arms were pressed against the side and back of the couch, she was panting slightly, and there was hunger and need and, his own heart flared a bit, maybe even love in her eyes. God she was beautiful. And he could tell her that for real, not just as flirting between friends. Fucking unbelievable.

He brought both hands forward and began unbuttoning her blouse from the top slowly as he regained enough breath to speak, “Christ Alex look at you. You’re so beautiful and I get to see you like this, so open and willing and - bloody hell Alex taking care of someone has never sounded so good before.” She let his words wash over her, stoking the fire within her as much as his hands were and laughed a short laugh when he stilled, speechless now that he’d unbuttoned down to her bra. He tore his eyes away from the sight of her cleavage long enough to look back up at her face and she smirked to see the confident man once again replaced by that big-eyed pup. She didn’t need to hear him say it to know that he was asking permission and she took her hands from the couch to give him the clearest answer imaginable. She undid the front clasp of the bra and let her breasts fall out of it before taking his wonderful, long, ever-moving hands in her own and placing one on each breast. The confidence was back now that he had his answer and he traced his fingers around the outside of each one before cupping them in his palms and rubbing his thumbs roughly across her nipples, growling low in his throat as the motion caused her to close her eyes and thrust against his knee where it pushed against her centre. Breaking eye contact for the first time since he’d pulled away from her, he lowered his mouth to lick the raindrops from the skin between her breasts. She arched up against his mouth and he took advantage of the motion by sliding her bra and soaked shirt from her body, tossing them to the floor as he continued to trace her skin with his tongue, thrilling at the taste of rain and Alex.

The feeling of Matt’s tongue all across her chest was doing amazing things to her, not the least of which was making her incredibly jealous. She brought his lips up to hers again and while she had him distracted that way, pushed him over so that she was on top of him now, lying him back against the other end of the couch. She made quick work of the buttons of his shirt and pulled it from his arms, discarding it alongside hers as his mouth struggled against hers for control. With him shirtless she abandoned his mouth suddenly and it was his turn to gasp as she licked her way down his neck and across his chest, her lips vibrating slightly as she hummed in pleasure at the mingled scent of Matt and summer rain. He threaded his right hand through her wet curls, pressing her mouth against him as it traveled lower past his ribs. Holding herself up with her left hand against the back of the couch, Alex moved back up his body to kiss along his chin as she slid her right hand boldly into his jeans and palmed him through his pants, and then it was her turn to breathlessly whisper, “Yes, Matt” against his neck as she felt how hard he was for her.

The shock of her hand against him brought Matt back to the edge and he fought hard against it, grabbing her wrist and pulling her hand away. She glared at him in surprise for only a moment before remembering that she was supposed to be letting herself be taken care of. Pushing her up onto her knees in the middle of the couch, he redirected her wrist towards the top of her own jeans and they proceeded to unzip and remove the jeans together until she was kneeling in front of him again in only her knickers. They alone had been spared the onslaught of rain. Spreading her knees apart with his right arm, Matt wrapped his left arm firmly around her back and leaned her against him so that he could make her come so hard she lost the ability to stay upright. He began kissing along her neck and as he did so he brought his right hand up between her legs, cupping her through her knickers and hearing her whimper in response before running his long index and middle finger against her folds through the thin, slick fabric. “So, so wet Alex....Me, or the rain?” he said, and he thrilled at the way her response came out between shallow gasping breaths as he slipped the soaked fabric aside and slid his fingers gently but firmly into her heat.

“Not...the rain,” she started, and “You,” came out as a rough cry when he quickly lowered her knickers and began thrusting into her with his fingers in earnest, adding the pressure of the heel of his hand against her clit and bearing almost all her weight as she gave into the sensation. Both their bodies were rocking slightly now with the force of his hand driving into her, and he felt her begin to grind into his palm and tighten around his fingers in time with his motions. That was his cue to speak, and he timed his words with the next several thrusts.

“Let. go. Alex.”

“Come. for me. Alex.”

She was whimpering and moaning desperately against him and bit into his shoulder as she started to clench harder around his hand. He picked up the pace in response and he could tell that she was pushing into his hand as hard as she could. His last command came out as a plea into her hair he was so hungry to see-hear-feel her come apart.

“Want to feel you coming so fucking hard around my fingers, Alex  _please_ .”

At that her walls pulsed around his hand uncontrollably and her head tilted back from his shoulder. She cried his name out to the ceiling as her orgasm ripped through her and his whisper of gratitude was the soft counterpoint to her rough cry. He slid his hand out from between her legs and held her securely as aftershocks shuddered through her, then lowered her gently onto her back against the couch.

Warmth suffusing throughout her body, Alex was still breathing hard, but Matt was still wearing his jeans and this was a problem that needed to be fixed immediately. Forcing herself back up from the couch, Alex undid his jeans and made him stand up so she could pull them off along with his pants. She pressed her mouth to his angular hipbones and chuckled at the way his breath caught once his erection was freed. Pulling her lips away, she sat back on the sofa and took in the sight of him standing before her, smiling in satisfaction. Matt’s hands clenched at his sides.

Alex Kingston didn’t joke about things she didn’t know about, as a rule, and she joked about sex an awful lot. She was old enough to know exactly what she wanted and right now body and mind were in total accord. She wanted Matt, wanted to feel what she could do to him, wanted to reward them both for the risks they had taken, and it almost frightened her how much she wanted to feel the security of his arms around her again as he came. For a brief second an image of Matt as the Doctor calling her Mrs. Robinson flashed through her mind and she shook her head at herself. Falling for Matt Smith.  What an idiot, Alex , but oh she was a blissful blissful idiot. She took him in her right hand, pulling his own hand, still wet from being inside her, into her mouth and sucking the taste of her pleasure from his slender fingers. Staring at her mouth he groaned and thrust twice into her hand and Alex felt tension beginning to gather again in the bottom of her stomach. It didn’t matter how afraid she’d been to give herself to him as more than just a shag or even how young he was, this was so bloody worth it.

“Matt,” she exhaled pleadingly and with no small amount of bemused exasperation as she caught him closing his eyes and trying to resist what she was doing to him. This had gone on long enough and it was about time he gave in to her for once today. Releasing him and lying back on the couch, Alex opened her legs in an unequivocal invitation. Poor thing, he didn’t quite know what he’d gotten himself into with her. Yet.

She let her desire colour the tone of her voice, using it’s sexy gravelly undertones to her best advantage as she said exactly what she needed to to turn her invitation into an imperative. He’d earned this many times over today and she wanted to give it to him. 

“Is this how you imagined me, Matt? Laid out like this in your trailer?” Running one hand down along her body and ignoring the thrill of her own lazy touch against her clit she continued, “Did I touch myself this way?” His eyes were darkening further and she knew she almost had him. She stopped speaking for a moment as he dug his wallet out of his jeans, unwrapped a condom and slid it on as fast as possible. Once he looked back up at her she continued, “Did I scream as I came, Matt? Did you wonder what it would be like to have me tight around you instead of your hand?” She barely had time to get her own hand out of the way so it wasn’t crushed by him as he landed on top of her, sliding his erection along her folds once roughly as he growled, “ _Yes_ ” into her neck. He pushed himself into her in one smooth motion and she’d driven him so far with her words that he didn’t even still before he began thrusting into her.

“Oh Matt, yes.” She gasped out, arching her back in pleasure as he turned his face into her neck, panting against her with his efforts, a firm arm wrapped around her naked back. She curled her left leg up around his back, hooking it above his bum, and the angle he thrust at inside her and against her clit as she countered his movements sent rhythmic spears of pleasure straight through her entire body.

Matt’s breath was coming in shallow gasps now. “ _Alex_ ,” he pleaded as she felt his rhythm beginning to falter. She was so close that she couldn’t even answer him except to cry out loudly when the next thrust sent her over the edge. He pushed into her a few more times shallowly before driving all the way into her as he came with his own wordless cry and her orgasm continued to roll over her until they both stilled. The feel of her beneath him was so  real that it sent a chill through Matt’s body and she smoothed a hand down his back, calming him. He slipped out of her and she let her leg fall back onto the couch. She rolled over to face the back of the sofa and he scooted up behind her, wrapping his right arm over her and sighing as he nuzzled her hair where it was beginning to dry against her neck. 

Unfortunately it was a rather narrow couch and when Alex snuggled back into Matt’s embrace she accidentally pushed him right off the edge. Landing on the floor with an “oomph,” Matt glared up at Alex who had rolled over at the sound, watching her laugh at him and rubbing his naked bum where it had hit the carpet. 

She was trying not to laugh, really she was, but she kept finding that everything about him made her so bloody happy at the moment. Forcing herself to stop laughing, she sat up and patted her lap, “Kiss it better?” His frown vanished and he raised an eyebrow at the suggestion, but then she lost it and started laughing at him again so he retaliated instead, surprising her by lunging at her from the floor and tickling her all over. In between squealing at his tickling, Alex managed to nip at his collarbone and he gasped, abandoning the attack in favor of finding her mouth for a sweet kiss. She hummed softly and he released her lips to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“Truce?” he whispered.

“For now,” she replied cheekily, but as they sat up and he stared at her with such love in his eyes she began to worry her bottom lip. 

“What is it Alex?” he asked, knowing exactly what that look meant. 

“I just don’t want to disappoint you, Matt,” she sighed, “my plan was to chase you away, which obviously worked incredibly well. But this,” she gestured down at their naked bodies, “I really don’t have a plan for this at all. All I know is that we can’t tell anyone yet. I couldn’t do that to Salome, and dear God the press - I couldn’t do that to  myself . You’re sure you’re alright with this being just for now and keeping it to ourselves?” Though God help her if he wasn’t because all she wanted to do was keep his arms around her forever and let him bring her coffee and open doors in exchange for fabulous sex and that delicious silly grin on his face.  Fuck , she really was falling in love with him, wasn’t she? No more of this, she’d told herself, no more getting hurt that way, and here she was again. She was biting at her lip repeatedly and her hand was travelling towards her head to rub her temples, the other number-one sign that she was worried.

Matt’s hand caught hers before it could reach her head and pulled it down, folding it between his own. 

“Silly Alex, you’ll make your lip bleed that way someday, you know,” he scolded her gently, and she released her lip in surprise at being called out on the habit. “Want to know a secret though?” he asked, and she nodded, not sure where this was going and wishing he would just answer her question. “I think it’s just about the cutest thing on earth.” She tucked her lip into her mouth again half in reply and half nervously. 

“I’ll answer your question though. The truth is I really don’t know what you’re so worried about Alex. What’s there not to be happy with? The way I see it, I just made love to you, Alex Kingston, my secret girlfriend at least for the month, when I was expecting to spend the next who knows how many weeks pushing thoughts of you out of my head.” As he explained his view of the situation that grin spread over his features again and Alex couldn’t help but grin sheepishly in return. 

“Secret girlfriend, Matt, really?” Alex asked, tracing her finger along his jaw absentmindedly, and he could tell she’d relaxed again. 

“Hey! don’t insult the term, it’s like being a secret agent but with more snogging, who doesn’t want that?” he answered, nudging his nose against hers.

“Oh alright, but don’t you start writing to me in code or any nonsense like that.” 

“Only in the code of love,” he crooned, wincing in expectation of a blow. None came, and he opened his eyes carefully to find her rolling her eyes. He smiled at her despite her exasperation and opened his arms, arranging himself so that there was room for her to lean against him. She folded herself into his arms and rested her head against his bare chest, chuckling softly and closing her eyes. Peering down at her over her now-dry curls where she lay between his arms, Matt saw that she was wearing the same ridiculous grin she liked to call him out on. She whined her complaint as his laugh shook her against his chest, but she was too worn out from travel, unexpected emotions, and lovemaking to shift now that she’d found the perfect spot. 

She’d said that if he was willing to take only what she felt she had to offer then he could have her, and, resting his head against her curls as he listened to her soft breathing and the rain that still fell on the trailer’s roof, he knew she had meant it. He had her and no matter the restrictions, he couldn’t imagine being happier. Though he still didn’t know how he was going to get through that kiss. 

 


End file.
